by R. Ackermann.--The devotions of Old Avarice, which are necessarily
very profound and earnest, are offered appropriately at the feet of
his divinity, 'Plutus, God of Riches'; the temple of wealth is not
exteriorly sumptuous; the carpet is a rag; a strong-box, a broken
chair, and a rushlight make up the sordid furniture. The miser is
confessing that he possesses nine houses, estates in Essex, mortgages
in Hertford, large landed speculations in Russell Square and the
neighbourhood, reversions of estates, trading ventures, 'Mermaid'
sloop, funded property, Government securities, &c., &c.; he is
beseeching an increase of his means, success to his investments, and a
rise in the 'Stocks.'
_June 4, 1801._ _The Widow's Prayer._--A widow, still young and
blooming, is shown kneeling before the empty chair of the late
lamented partner of her joys; the bereaved lady is looking forward
to consolation; her supplications are offered to Hymen for a fourth
spouse, and she is praying, that should the new husband who is to
follow be as unfortunate as his predecessors, the number of happy men
may be extended to seven; or more if need be.
_June 25, 1801._ _The Maid of Allwork's Prayer._--The picture at the
head of this invocation represents a neat and pretty young housemaid;
she is offering up her petitions to the household gods who preside over
cleanliness and good management. The desires of her heart are that a
handsome fellow-servant may gain the humble worshipper and lead her
into the _frying-pan_ of matrimony. Let these but be her _wages_ and
she will submit cheerfully to her labours, nor ever breathe a sigh for
greater liberty than to _make her bed_ in peace and sleep contented.
_July 30, 1801._ _The Apothecary's Prayer_ is appropriately offered to
Esculapius, and is truly professional in spirit, since the aspirations
of the little knight of the pestle are turned to the increase of
fevers, catarrhs, gout, cramp, agues, and infirmities in general, for
the special advantage of his slack professional prospects and the good
of his generous ally the undertaker, who is in need of the apothecary's
friendly co-operation, the demand for funerals having fallen off of
late.
_July 30, 1801._ _The Quack Doctor's Prayer_ is addressed, over a chest
of patent quack medicines, to the illustrious shade of the renowned
Doctor Rock. The empiric candidly confesses that his miraculous
_Cure-all-able Vegetable Drops_, _Never Infailibus Infallibus_,
supposed to issue from the laboratory of Esculapius himself, are
nothing more than a decoction of beetroot, lump-sugar, spring-water,
cognac brandy, and Hollands gin. The Quack Doctor prays that his
carriages and equipages, his town and country residences, and all
other good things of life, may be continued to reward his impudent
charlatanism.
_August 1, 1801._ _The Stockjobber's Prayer_ is prayed by the pious
speculator, bank-book in hand, and is offered to the adorable and
ancient Lady of Threadneedle Street. The wishes of the stockjobber
refer to 'rises in the Funds' and 'undertakings in the _Alley_,' and
conclude with a pious hope that he may never have the misfortune to
'_waddle out_ a poor and neglected lame duck.'
_August 1, 1801._ _The Female Gambler's Prayer_ commences with an
invocation: 'Enchanting Pharaoh, thee I address with a heart teeming
with gratitude for all the favours showered on thy ardent worshipper.
Thy name, O mighty Pharaoh, is derived from the Hebrew, literally
to _make bare_, and well thou knowest I delight to make bare, even
to the last feather, the pigeon that flies to my midnight orgies.'
The petition concludes with an entreaty that the Right Honourable
Fraternity of Gamblers may be protected from the strictures of Lord
Kenyon (who had commenced a crusade against fashionable gamblers, and
had especially made attacks on those ladies of rank who encouraged
tables in their houses), and their persons preserved from all the dire
horrors of the stocks and pillory, with which this inflexible judge had
threatened the incorrigible, if any person could be found to bring them
within his jurisdiction.
_August 10, 1801._ _The Actress's Prayer._--'Hear me, Dramatic Sisters,
gay Thalia and sublime Melpomene; be guardians to your supplicant and
aid her in her profession.... I pray thee, should I ever reach the
boards of a London theatre, may my terms be as enormous as my abilities
are conspicuous, and finally my labours be crowned with the _coronet_
of honour, and that I may become a convert to domestic happiness.'
_August 10, 1801._ _The Jockey's Prayer_ is put up to Nimrod. The
aspirations of the hero of the turf tend to a wife--'a pretty well-bred
filly, one that would come easily to collar, prance to the Circus of
Hymen, and run with her owner the generous race of mutual affection.'
_September 5, 1801._ _The Cook's Prayer._--The fat mistress of the
spit has gone down on her knees before the roaring fire, beside which
are the preparations for dinner. Her prayer is addressed to all the
gods and goddesses whose celestial appetites are not too refined to
relish the good things of this world. She beseeches their influence to
continue her a twelvemonth longer in the service of Alderman Gobble,
and then, with the little perquisites she has hashed together, she may
be able to enter on a certain eating-house in Pye Corner, which she
has longed for these three years. She concludes by entreating that the
bosom of John the Coachman may be moved to become her partner in the
concern.
_September 12, 1801._ _The Sailor's Prayer._--'O mighty Neptune! hear
an honest British Tar; thou knowest I trouble not thy godship every
day, and I therefore pray thee to grant my prayer, for I love not long
palavering and that there, d'ye see ... Worthy Master Neptune! send us
a good prize, I beseech thee, and be not sparing in brandy and tobacco.
Give us also a few chests of the Don's dollars, for Mounseer hasn't got
none--no more than there is in your three-pronged boat-hook.'
_September 20, 1801._ _The Publican's Prayer._--'Holy Silenus, father
of all-inspiring Bacchus, continue, I beseech you, the custom of the
original Golden Lion, and inspire me, its landlord, with becoming
gratitude for all thy favours. Grant me success, I pray thee, with the
rich widow of the adjoining street, whom thou knowest I adore; send
that she may frequently look into the bar, till in time she becomes
its fixed ornament. Grant but this addition to my stock in trade, and
I have nothing to ask thee for but plenty of smuggled spirits and
protection from the exciseman.'
_September 20, 1801._ _Poll of Portsmouth's Prayer_ is addressed
to Thetis. The supplications of this damsel, who is gaily attired
in bright colours, and ornamented with numerous coral necklaces,
bracelets, watches, seals, lockets, and trinkets, gifts from tars at
sea, are directed to prayers for the safe and speedy return of her
numerous generous admirers, then on board their ships.